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Monday, February 06, 2006
Mrs shin hyeSung!

i had only three hours of sleep last night.. so i was tired the whole day of school.but after that i was rather enegetic.. duno y... watever.. band was tiring.. but rather fun.. kz PROBLEM STARTS , when my mum brought me home.. firstly she turned off my com when i was downloading a HUGE file.. nvm.. she said sorry but scolded me later on. ok.. nvm.. then she was very stressed i guess.. tried not to argue or make her angry. so i minded my own business.. then she started it.. SHE STARTED IT!!!!!! she scream at me.. nvm.. i took out my amaths and do some revision.. TRYING TO MAKE HER HAPPY i showed her that i have actually done my work. as in revision.. I DID OKAY?! nvm.. she said how many days.. i told her.. two days with tt much work.. you know what she said? ONLY TWO DAYS AH.. and ten she went on and on.. saying that i'm not hardworking.. I 'M NOT doing enough. i was trying to tell her that .. in two days i can do that much work.. so means tt i CAN do it.. but to her.. 'NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant... EVERYTHING IS? NOT ENOUGH!my results are not good. even though I DID IMPROVE! I DID WORK HARDER THAN BEFORE OKAY?! fine!she is trying to imply that??? EVERYTHING I DO IS??? NOT ENOUGH! NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! evn my chinese teacher can say, (good.. there's is improvement in your compo..continue to work hard) EVEN MY TEACHER knows how to ENCOURAGE. though she's very scarcastic. she knows. AT LEAST... my own BIOLOGICAL MOTHER??? not even a word of 'ok la' i dun mind an 'ok la' at least it's smthing. she's blaming me for everything in this world.. SO What if i cant do as well as her bloody friend's children? or my other friends? am i them? if she wants, she can go adopt them and abandon me. but even so i think they will also NEVER be GOOD ENOUGH for her. am i realli her daughter??? i reali wonder.. i wana listen to her.. i wana be a good and obedient child. but nothing is good enough for her.. since young.. she ask me to SHUDDUP.. called me STUPID! fine.. if i'm stupid what makes her??? CLEVER? then y is her daughter so dumb??? MY FAULT??? i wana make her happi ... i wana make her proud... but to her.. what have i done to make her proud? when her friend's child or sumone on tv is better than me? study hard.. she scold.. dun study also scold.. what do she wan me to do???? when she's angry.. she'll go every way out to show me that she is sick like FORCING OUT A COUGH etc. i noe she's stressed like as if i'm not! i have my clarinet exams on the 28 of feb . o levels at the end of the yr.. AM I NOT STRESSED? i still have my friends and teachers around to stress me .. and a grandmother tt is FULL of SCARCASM! *roll my eyes* i think my brother is giving her more stress than me.. but she throws everything at me.. stress from work, my bro and me... everyone thinks i'm in the wrong when i quarrel with her. i'm rude and so on.. BUT.. WHO started it?? me? sometimes, yes.. i admit.. most of the times? and she doesnt admit.. she says she wan to treat me as a friend.. ya right.. my foot. firnds admit that they are wrong when they reali are. when she is wrong.. she'll make it like as if.. it's mine.. so that she can save her 'face'. if her bloody face is so important, then y dun she adopt a prodigy and abandon.. i think my life would be better... .. when i called my friend for the format of the history SBQ. she said. 'why your friend have the card and why u lost yours? huh?!' wth my friend doesnt even know how to read what is written on the card.. i have to explain to her.. at least i know to do my work even without the card.. SO? then she'll turn it to smthing else like.. why cant u kip yuor things properly? the bloody card is small.. my cupboard is big.. it's not surprising that i have misplace it.. how may times have SHE lost MY things.. then she'll say things like.. 'aiya i'm busy what.. i got lots of things on my mind... *roll my eyes again* EXCUSE MY DEAR! she loose things becos she is too busy.. i loose things becos i'm CARELESS!!! <>

6:40 AM
LOVE HyeSung!